Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
