We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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