I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You made out with two different species that night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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