There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize