While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
