he shaved USA in his pubs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
