I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i came on her dog
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
