i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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