I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
