Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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