woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
