He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im holly from the hills drunk
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
