Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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