Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
