It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I look better un-naked...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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