But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
