My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
