I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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