I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
