O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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