dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
