I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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