please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
