So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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