my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize