Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
