i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
