the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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