i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
