Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
