It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
