I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
