and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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