I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
