after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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