Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
