the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
a search helicopter?!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
