dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
