HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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