All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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