new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
