Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
