just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
