I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love having hate sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
