I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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