will power is for people who don't want to get laid
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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