do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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