??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize