I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
