How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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