I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
