You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
