I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
