Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
