YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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