I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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