i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my liver is dry heaving
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
