Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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