Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
