tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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