We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
