Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
