I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize