Well apparently he's into motor boating.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize