you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
