It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
