What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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