I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
