My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
