Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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