i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
