I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
