dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
