White coat. Heels.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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