You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
