my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
