I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize