You made me cry and you don't even care
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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