Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
