Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
