paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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