Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
