so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish my penis had an off switch
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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