My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
