He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
