I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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