It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
