Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
