I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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