I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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