you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
