I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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