She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
