marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
