i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
