oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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